Blogs · Mental Health · Parent

Being a mum with no emotional support!

One of the hardest things I have found as a mum is having no emotional support from family. My husband and friends are amazing, but due to not knowing if I am in the right or wrong I questioning myself so much. This means they have to deal with me talking to them about the same things over and over again. They don’t realise how much I cannot understand why my family don’t show the same emotional support to me as they do others.

The reason I am putting this up is their response to a post the other day, that I placed up about Bella. No one was there for me, the people that popped in only did because they were at the hospital. Unlike others in the family no one made a special trip for her, no one asked how she was. She was in hospital with Herpes which has killed thousands of children up and down the UK, yet no one was there.

I support them all, asking them how are their children, making sure they are emotionally ok. Going to see them in hospital if I can, even at times making the trip just for them. Arguments in between Anth and myself as they don’t show our family the same consideration. But I hope the more I do I will finally get their love back. NOPE!

This is where I feel social media is the worst thing ever invented, because you can watch other people’s activity. Watching me interact with them, but never getting interaction back. Watching them support each other whilst I’m dying inside, watching them slag me off for things that I couldn’t control. Watching them call me a horrible child and that I have always been loud and annoying.

As I write this I am sobbing but it needs to be put out there, as I have started to network the realisation I am not alone with being shunned in this manner. None of them will know how lonely it is, none of them will know how desperate you are for them to love you. None of them will know how much you question what you did in a past life to deserve to be so hated by them. None of them will not realise that money means nothing compare to the time they asked are you ok? None of them know how no one can replace the one holding your hands during the tough times.

This blog is not going to go down well, but it needed to be said. Especially when you called the stupid one for not knowing your own child’s care by people that didn’t even ask if she was ok. For me blogging is my way of getting my feelings out and these needed to get out.

For any mum feeling this message me, I will be here to listen.

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Blogs · Family · Mental Health

Never feeling accepted

So this is most likely going to be my most personal post I’ve ever done. Yes, that’s right, more personal than the social services blogs and more life effecting for myself.

When I say accepted, I mean knowing you belong there. For myself until I meet Anth I never truly felt that. When being held in his arms, looking into his eyes, no matter how much we argued his arms accepted me.

Now the next bit, as some would say will make me sound like a spoilt brat. I had more than some children as in material items, but there was something a miss.

I went to live with my nan and grandad when I was 5, this wasn’t easy as my whole family had always hated me.

Being continuously tease and told that I was just a burden to my nan and grandad. Trying to play the games being told I wasn’t good enough, then the family that did want to know me my nan would say “their not my blood”. This confused me, I started to get loud wanting to be heard by them all and wanting to be accepted, but no each time I tried and thought I’d get there they would kick me down.

“What are you talking about that didn’t happen”, this became the main saying of my childhood. Sadly it didn’t stop there even into my adulthood I would be told it was my imagination. To the point on multiple occasions I have had to get proof that things weren’t in my head. This even includes my own daughters medical history, having to show social services that we had on multiple occasions that it was all true. Thank goodness for paperwork is all I can say.

All these things can make a person feel extremely un-accepted. The reason I’m sharing this is to prevent any other person feeling the way I do.

Blogs · Mental Health

Painful memories

I’m sure anyone reading this has painful memories. What they may find like myself, it’s the happiest ones that hurt the most. Yet some people just don’t understand how happy memories can hurt, let me explain.

For whatever reasons our memories start from about 3 years old, yet most still aren’t sure which period of their lives their memories come from. At this time it’s usually small things, for myself I remember my aunt and my mum stood in the kitchen laughing at us kids. Sadly from that time I also have bad memories of which my husband and old counsellor have helped me through.

One of my happiest memories of this time was of my mum, she used to put me to bed by singing the grand old duke of York. This becomes painful because by the age of 6 I was no longer living with my mum.

As I have grown up I have so many memories I wish I could just drag into the bin. Sadly I’m not a computer so they are there to cause me the pain of how someone who I once cared for turned their back on me. There is a lot of these, if you follow our journey on YouTube I’m sure you have seen this mentioned.

When I talk to people it’s easier to talk about the bad than the happy, as it’s the happy that bring me the most pain. But then if I hadn’t experienced these and I wouldn’t understand that it’s the small things that are key. The problem is too many people look over these because they are too busy looking at everyone else’s lives.

Ok so I now need to continue cleaning up the mess of another bad memory of our house being flooded!

Blogs · Home Educating · Mental Health

How to get alone time when a homeschooling mum!

Well as we know motherhood is hard, imagine how hard it is for a homeschooling mum. Our children do not leave our sides other than when they go to their social events. Yet this is the most amazing thing is you see everything your child does.

Imagine your child having a rough day you’ve forced them into school. They sit in the corner not wanting to interact all day, but they are forced to play, work and eat. Now let’s think of you as an adult, if you were having a bad day what would you say to your manager forcing you to interact?

Well even though this is amazing to prevent our children from this pressure, we sometimes want mum time. These are my ways I get my alone time.

1. Cleaning, yes that’s right I clean to get my alone time. The girls are amazing at playing together so I will disappear in the kitchen or upstairs and have music on whilst cleaning.

2. Reading a book, whilst the girls are doing their group work I will sit and lose myself in a good book.

3. Bedtime, even though most nights we are co-sleeping to begin with, with Bella. We are slowly getting alone time.

4. Cooking, even though often the girls will help me with cooking from time to time it’s nice to leave them and Anth chatting, whilst I have the music on and cook away.

5. Bath, my most favourite time and it can be up to an hour that I’m in the bath, but it is amazing how refreshing this is for the body and soul.

If you have any alone time tips please comment them below.

Blogs · Mental Health

Am I a bad mother and wife

One of the things that is hard is the pressure of being perfect as a mother and a wife. This has never changed, if we look in the past we will see plenty of articles and books advising women, how to be perfect. how ever in the 1980’s extra pressure was placed for us to be working mums as well!

I was a career mum as financial pressures was placed there, not that Anth wasn’t bringing in enough but I was not living up to my families expectations. “Are the children going on holiday this year?”, “how much are you spending on them at Christmas?”. My heart broke as I could never match my family either on benefits or both parents working.

Being brought up that the way to show love was by how much money was spent on the child, I slowly slipped away feeling useless and allowed others to control my children’s holidays etc. Well they could afford it, I couldn’t. All I can do is co-sleep, or give them a hug, or take them out for walks! What kind of mother did that make me an awful on that’s what!

Then the house started to get neglected, as I didn’t think it matter as I tried to build businesses. But as soon as I was getting close to success “you need your children in routine”, “why are you neglecting your husband by not cleaning”, “your husband works all day yet doesn’t have a proper meal at night?”. Okay, so now I’m a bad wife as well.

Everyday I would hear this, everyday I would hate myself more. I was not the person I wanted to be, the walks stopped as they weren’t good enough, the film nights stopped, slowly my family life stopped. But I knew there was a way that I could show I was worth it and I did. We were living the good life, well so I thought.

One day Jennifer heard an argument and said to me “where did our mum go?” I was completely in shock, but she was right. The money and the extra holidays were nice but it didn’t replace the cuddles the silly games, or watching a new film together.

This then ended up something positive, I started hearing my girls again. Releasing they were still miserable at school, that’s it I’m having you at home with me. Days they weren’t feeling good we would snuggle on sofa, giggles with the weird things we said, playing I spy. All this was back and I saw my girls coming back to life.

Going out in Pyjamas!

So now ask yourself are you perfect to you or are you trying to be perfect for society?