So if you all remember I did a podcast with Kathy Sanderson from healing within. Kathy and I became friends through Facebook and she had enough of seeing my grumpy statuses. She asked to give me one session to try and help my mental set. Even after agreeing my mindset was, this is not worth it as I’ve tried everything CBT, counselling, tablets the works!
We had a chat on the phone about how things were going and were my mindset was. Out of that Kathy quickly realised my vibe of I’m motivated but sadly I didn’t have the beliefs me to do it. We then started to look at my age and she come back with a age. She asked me around that age what was going on to stop me learning. This surprised me, as I love learning new things, one of the things that no one has managed to stop me being is little miss know it all. Then she come back with something I’d never thought about what did you learn and keep and what did you learn and lose. They weren’t her exacted words but along those lines.
It hit me I mainly learnt that I couldn’t do anything, when I tried I was told it was wrong or I was doing something too much. This was a massive thing for me, because I never, ever feel good enough. Wasn’t sure how to act, because for me this was the opposite of my always right attitude when it came to knowledge. Without Kathy knowing I asked myself what do I do with all that knowledge apart from have to get 1 better nothing! I realised I have been showing the same toxic behaviour, this was massive for me.
Kathy than asked me to do some breathing exercises, and I felt in a very relaxed. the next bit admittedly I felt a bit apprehensive about. She asked me to go find 13 year old Amy in her happy place. It shocked me where in my mind I found this image of me. At a friends farm in the barn giggling and playing in the hay bales. We did some more excises with breathing and visualisation.
Then she asked me to find 13 year old Amy on her own. I wanted to freeze, because any follower of our blog knows I hate being alone. But I took a deep breath, cracked my fingers and with Kathy given me the extra nudge I found her. Like a lot of her teen life sat in her bedroom alone crying. My heartbroken knowing how much even at that age I hated being alone.
Kathy than asked me to talk to younger me and tell her how much I loved her, this was very hard but I did it. Then she said something than was hard, to tell younger me I would never abandon her! This made me instantly hug the image of younger me! But why, was it because even at that age that is how I felt. But when I hugged myself it made me realise how much time I had wasted allowing myself to be filled with these issues from such a young age! Kathy brought me back and said a few words and I felt amazing!
Honestly I cannot explain it, so I asked if I could blog it for others that need this. Others like me spent years to get the right therapy and just couldn’t! She said yes, so I’m blogging on the first day now of my session and I’m going to blog over a couple more to show you how it continues to go.
Well it’s 2 days later and wow! I’ve used the techniques Kathy left with me several times and it truly stops me from out bursting and not controlling my emotions like before. This for me is a massive achievement, it would be rare for me to manage this! This has improved our home life and my relationship with people. I have also noticed how many are not there for me emotionally and how obsessed with money I am. The thing that has scared me the most is how I’ve noticed narcissistic behaviours within myself. With Kathys help I’m positive it will change.
Please, do send Kathy some love by checking out her Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/healingfromwithinuk/