Well, I still cannot believe I did! Size 24, I hate my swollen jelly belly, but there are a few places I love! Seeing the model call for women to do a beautiful am I, episode with Maya. My initial thought was, I cannot do that, I’m too fat and have a very strange body shape.
When I agreed to it, I sent her a message saying I really want to do it but!!!!!! Yes, I was trying to find a way out of it, my saggy boobs being shin to someone I don’t know! Wondering what would the reaction be of family and friends. Then my thoughts turned to the fat shaming! Our Jasmin then came to me and said something unexpected “mum, I’m proud of you for being brave”. At that point I realised, it wasn’t me I was trying to show how beautiful I am, as I have them to remind me everyday, it’s me reminding them that I believe in the words they say.
The day of the shoot you will see in the YouTube vlog above, my anxiety was through the roof. Packing my bag, all I can think of is why, why have I agreed to this, why do I think I’m good enough, why does Maya think I’m good enough. But I hold my head high and think about the bravery I’m showing our girls.
Turning up to her door, my anxiety is worse, my heart was beating so fast I thought I might pass out. Welcomed with a lovely smile and cup of tea, we sit and have a chat. Was lovely to chat with someone who understood how busy I am, and how this makes me more nervous. Because as we know a busy person doesn’t get much time for self care. Then it’s time, I was so nervous and wasn’t sure what to do.
As we went into her photography studio it was set out so comfortable that I felt like a film star. As everyone knows I want to be famous hehe. I set up the camera to film Maya doing my makeup, she was so nice I just chatted away with her about everything. There was so many giggles and smiles, that I felt on top of the world. We even chatted about where I would like Crazy Carneys to go! Cause when I originally booked in Maya didn’t realise that was what we do!
Then I was time, the nerves got bad again. I took off my dress and dived under the sheet. Suddenly feeling like the fattest woman ever, but Maya soon put me at ease. Complementing the areas I love. Looking at my tattoo, not knowing how special it is as Anth did it. As I informed her she then made sure it was in shot. Making sure I felt comfortable with every position I was in.
As we moved from on the bed photos to standing up, I hadn’t even thought and just got out the sheet. We then were discussing the first outfit, while I stood there is just my knickers. I couldn’t believe someone have made me feel comfortable enough to do that, only Anth and our girls see me in this vulnerable position. Yet Maya, someone I meet through the mums in business Facebook group I was stood naked in front of, well nearly.
We giggled over the item I had chosen and fell in love with a few. Taken the photos and often having to do a deep breath as we were giggling so much. Even though smiles etc are great, but their not always sexy enough. As we know the men love the come to bed eyes.
I was shattered by the end, but a little said to be done as I had so much fun. We chatted quickly why I got dressed and packed up my items and then left. When leaving all my thoughts turned to, did I really just do that, the photos will be ridiculed, what have I done. Just under a week later Maya got in contact for me to go see my photos!! Yes, my heart was beating 10 to a dozen again.
They were amazing, I looked stunning in them and couldn’t wait to share them with everyone. The compliments where lovely and it turned into my most like post on my private Facebook this tear. Well I thought, looking at the photo still in disbelief it was me. My confidence was through the roof, I felt like a new person and was loving every moment of it.
So if you want a shoot with Maya use the voucher above I will leave all her details below. Don’t think about it just do it!