Am I a bad mother and wife

One of the things that is hard is the pressure of being perfect as a mother and a wife. This has never changed, if we look in the past we will see plenty of articles and books advising women, how to be perfect. how ever in the 1980’s extra pressure was placed for us to be working mums as well!

I was a career mum as financial pressures was placed there, not that Anth wasn’t bringing in enough but I was not living up to my families expectations. “Are the children going on holiday this year?”, “how much are you spending on them at Christmas?”. My heart broke as I could never match my family either on benefits or both parents working.

Being brought up that the way to show love was by how much money was spent on the child, I slowly slipped away feeling useless and allowed others to control my children’s holidays etc. Well they could afford it, I couldn’t. All I can do is co-sleep, or give them a hug, or take them out for walks! What kind of mother did that make me an awful on that’s what!

Then the house started to get neglected, as I didn’t think it matter as I tried to build businesses. But as soon as I was getting close to success “you need your children in routine”, “why are you neglecting your husband by not cleaning”, “your husband works all day yet doesn’t have a proper meal at night?”. Okay, so now I’m a bad wife as well.

Everyday I would hear this, everyday I would hate myself more. I was not the person I wanted to be, the walks stopped as they weren’t good enough, the film nights stopped, slowly my family life stopped. But I knew there was a way that I could show I was worth it and I did. We were living the good life, well so I thought.

One day Jennifer heard an argument and said to me “where did our mum go?” I was completely in shock, but she was right. The money and the extra holidays were nice but it didn’t replace the cuddles the silly games, or watching a new film together.

This then ended up something positive, I started hearing my girls again. Releasing they were still miserable at school, that’s it I’m having you at home with me. Days they weren’t feeling good we would snuggle on sofa, giggles with the weird things we said, playing I spy. All this was back and I saw my girls coming back to life.

Going out in Pyjamas!

So now ask yourself are you perfect to you or are you trying to be perfect for society?

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4 thoughts on “Am I a bad mother and wife

  1. This is all very true and most mums can relate to. I hate Christmas and I dred it. I don’t want it to be like that but the pressure of buying presents for everyone and feeling bad or embarrassed if u don’t. I much rather get close to that person all year round not just see them once a year. I want them to pick up the phone and make the effort for me not just once a year but all year round. Ideal Christmas would be having a nice dinner and talk to one another play games. Not have a competition who brought who and how much you spent. People say it is making the effort and thought to go buy that present for somone. But really it cause more stress what to buy, will they like it, will they used it, can I pay my phone bill if I buy this oooh another payment I have to make on the credit card. Why do it to our self because society tells us to because xmas come in September in the shops. Because you feel bad. Why do it to ourself have a nice dinner and talk. no one rembers that links set u got them last year. If we need somthing we get it. My kids don’t need any more toys their cupboard are full. Please just pick up a phone that is more than enough.

    Hugs kisses walks movie night are lovely and priceless and those are the memories they will be grateful for. Never feel bad and negative about being a mother and a wife. It’s a hard enough job as it is, feeling you have to please everyone else before yourself. But one day kids will be grown up and maybe your husband either go or stay but your home will feel empty so appreciate all of the time you have money or no money. Stay connected stay healthy stay safe stay happy and be proud of yourself you are doing great. Remember if you are putting yourself down you are not doing your best for your children and your husband! Love is more than money as long as you have each other.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This is all very true and most mums can relate to. I hate Christmas and I dred it. I don’t want it to be like that but the pressure of buying presents for everyone and feeling bad or embarrassed if u don’t. I much rather get close to that person all year round not just see them once a year. I want them to pick up the phone and make the effort for me not just once a year but all year round. Ideal Christmas would be having a nice dinner and talk to one another play games. Not have a competition who brought who and how much you spent. People say it is making the effort and thought to go buy that present for somone. But really it cause more stress what to buy, will they like it, will they used it, can I pay my phone bill if I buy this oooh another payment I have to make on the credit card. Why do it to our self because society tells us to because xmas come in September in the shops. Because you feel bad. Why do it to ourself have a nice dinner and talk. no one rembers that links set u got them last year. If we need somthing we get it. My kids don’t need any more toys their cupboard are full. Please just pick up a phone that is more than enough.

    Hugs kisses walks movie night are lovely and priceless and those are the memories they will be grateful for. Never feel bad and negative about being a mother and a wife. It’s a hard enough job as it is, feeling you have to please everyone else before yourself. But one day kids will be grown up and maybe your husband either go or stay but your home will feel empty so appreciate all of the time you have money or no money. Stay connected stay healthy stay safe stay happy and be proud of yourself you are doing great. Remember if you are putting yourself down you are not doing your best for your children and your husband! Love is more than money as long as you have each other.

    Liked by 1 person

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