One of the things that is hard is the pressure of being perfect as a mother and a wife. This has never changed, if we look in the past we will see plenty of articles and books advising women, how to be perfect. how ever in the 1980’s extra pressure was placed for us to be working mums as well!
I was a career mum as financial pressures was placed there, not that Anth wasn’t bringing in enough but I was not living up to my families expectations. “Are the children going on holiday this year?”, “how much are you spending on them at Christmas?”. My heart broke as I could never match my family either on benefits or both parents working.
Being brought up that the way to show love was by how much money was spent on the child, I slowly slipped away feeling useless and allowed others to control my children’s holidays etc. Well they could afford it, I couldn’t. All I can do is co-sleep, or give them a hug, or take them out for walks! What kind of mother did that make me an awful on that’s what!
Then the house started to get neglected, as I didn’t think it matter as I tried to build businesses. But as soon as I was getting close to success “you need your children in routine”, “why are you neglecting your husband by not cleaning”, “your husband works all day yet doesn’t have a proper meal at night?”. Okay, so now I’m a bad wife as well.
Everyday I would hear this, everyday I would hate myself more. I was not the person I wanted to be, the walks stopped as they weren’t good enough, the film nights stopped, slowly my family life stopped. But I knew there was a way that I could show I was worth it and I did. We were living the good life, well so I thought.
One day Jennifer heard an argument and said to me “where did our mum go?” I was completely in shock, but she was right. The money and the extra holidays were nice but it didn’t replace the cuddles the silly games, or watching a new film together.
This then ended up something positive, I started hearing my girls again. Releasing they were still miserable at school, that’s it I’m having you at home with me. Days they weren’t feeling good we would snuggle on sofa, giggles with the weird things we said, playing I spy. All this was back and I saw my girls coming back to life.
So now ask yourself are you perfect to you or are you trying to be perfect for society?