Easier to blame the parent.

Your dropping your child off at school and you see a school refuser! Instead of helping that mum you say to your friend “maybe she needs to discipline her child better”.

That mum has heard that comment carry’s on trying to get her child into school. She manages this why she is close to her heartbreaking. Imagine the heartbreak when you feel like you have failed your child. That is the heartbreak that parent is feeling.

Looking in the classroom door she can see how much disruption her child is causing to the rest of the class. As she sees some of daughter’s friends come to assist as all they want to do is play with her. Finally the teacher has hold of her hand and gets her in the classroom. She kindly looks at the mum reassures her she’s fine within 10-20 minutes.

The mum gets back to the car holds back the tears as that is where her homeschoolers are. Yet they can see the mum is sad no matter what smile she puts on. “Did she not go in ok again mum” they enquire. Mum replies with a shake of her head. They try to turn it into a joke “aww she’s crying with no one to cuddle her, no family poor thing “. The mum knows their playing but it stings, instead of telling them that she plays along.

Then comes the questions by many, “do you think it’s because her sisters are at home” not forgetting “well it doesn’t make sense “. This is by many, family, friends and teachers.

Yet our Bella has never 100% gone to school ok! She used to sob when I left her at nursery, hated me leaving her anywhere. There is only very few that she has been ok with me leaving her.

So I know it’s not because her sisters are now homeschooled, I know it makes complete sense. Sadly we seem to live in a era where we have got so much knowledge that when something that is not the norm to happen we need to make sense of it.

The hardest thing is these questions make us mums feel we are doing something wrong. That it is wrong for our child to love us that much. That is wrong that our child doesn’t like being with strangers. That it is wrong our child doesn’t suite school.

No I’ll tell you what’s wrong, you making a parent feel like their child shouldn’t love them that much. Teaching our children stranger danger yet we pass them over to strangers because they are “professionals”. Making our children feel wrong for not doing the norm.

I’m not completely anti school, but I am anti judgemental. Next time you are speaking to a mum instead of “why is she doing that?” Try “how can I assist” or “are you ok”.

Written by Amy Carney

7 thoughts on “Easier to blame the parent.

  1. Great article Amy, completely describes what thousands of parents and carers go through daily. Going to share with my support groups. Keep up the great work (writing & parenting)

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I was that mom with a crying child in KG (before I homeschooled him).. What others didn’t see? They didn’t know that I had two older kids that had loved school and thrived there. They didn’t see that we lost my mom, their Grandmother, the first week of school (which I thought was the problem initially, and I’m sure it contributed, but it was only part of the problem). They didn’t know (and even I didn’t, then) that my child was struggling with a learning disability that made school a scary, frustrating place in stead of the fun, exciting place it had been for my older kids.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. He is doing well. We homeschooled him for four years. Last year we had an IEP done through the district which revealed, and he qualified for a special class with a teacher and two aids and only 10 kids, mixed upper elementary ages, and individualized small learning groups from reading and math. For various reasons it seemed like a good fit and a good time to try it (though I wasn’t sure until he was in, and shed many tears, both from uncertainty and cause in some ways I wasn’t ready to stop homeschooling him). But he did great. His teacher really GOT him…turned out she had homeschooled her own children a few years.

        Even though he’s back in school now, I feel certain he needed the time homeschooling before he could do that. And I wouldn’t have put him back into a regular classroom yet…but being around other kids who also struggle has really helped him put his own struggles into perspective and boosted his confidence.

        Liked by 1 person

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